Monday, May 16, 2005

How Ironic

How strange; I honest to God had Twizzlers and a Dr. Pepper for my morning snack! Got me to thinking about eating problems, too. I was the kid that couldn't break 100 lbs to save my life growing up. Flat as a board all over, no boobs, no hips, but food sure tasted good. I was always very active, even into my college years. I worked 40+ hours at one job, attended classes full time, and also worked a few nights a week at the bar. So I could still eat whatever I wanted all day, and it never caught up to me. Then it happened. I graduated from college, got a raise and a boyfriend. I didn't have school to occupy my time, and quit at the bar out of respect to the guy. In less than 1 years time, I gained 40 lbs. I have been steadily gaining and losing ever since. The once 100 lb me is hiding somewhere inside the 167 lb me. She screams to get out, but is sated if I stuff a doughnut (steak/cookie/potato chip/twizzler) in her mouth. I never had to exercise to stay thin, so its foreign. Its not enjoyable, no matter what I try. And its time consuming. When am I supposed to relax? I look at myself in the mirror and see skin and fat hanging off of myself, and even have stretch marks on my hips and thighs. The only thing that keeps me sane is looking back at "skinny" pictures. I looked like a crack baby; unhealthy, with my cheeks sunken in. So, while I may be overweight now, it could be worse. I could look like that again. Whatever stage you are at is never the "right" stage. Just remember its about being happy about what you have. Not trying to be something you aren't. If you can get comfortable in your own skin, you give off an heir of confidence. People don't think you are out of the norm unless you point it out to them.


Post a Comment

<< Home