my days are numbered...

has anyone else had the experience of knowing they're only going to spend a finite amount of time in a certain place? i'm only going to be in chicago for a few more months. it's a strange feeling, given that i've lived here since 2000, and i've really felt at home here. but, i know it's time to move on, and i can't wait to move to st. louis to be in law school and be with my boyfriend.

the problem is, i absolutely can't move there until june, until my lease is up on my apartment here in chicago. the problem is, i have needs here in chicago. i need to find some way to make more money to make ends meet between now and then, to make some money as well to actually pay for the move come june. i have needs here in chicago, and i can't bring myself to want to actually meet them, since all i can think over these last couple weeks is that i've closed the book on the chicago phase of my life.

between spending a week and a half with him in st. louis at the beginning of february, and then finding out i'm in at wash u, it's like my heart has moved on to st. louis already, whereas my body is stuck here for several more taxing, arduous months. despite my friends being around, despite having some things to do here, i still just feel so hollow except for that hour or two a day i spend on the phone with my boyfriend. i feel like i'm treading water, but i'm starting to lose motivation even to do that. i haven't felt like this since the end of high school, so anxious to get out of where i am and start something new somewhere new, but at the end of high school i had so much less responsibility to wade through in the meantime. all i really had to do was lock myself in my room as much as possible and evade my parents. now all i really want to do is lock myself in my room and evade everything until june (or, at least, spend all my time either sleeping, coaching mock trial, or partying with my friends...), but i know there's no way i can.

my days are numbered here in chicago, and i'm not dealing with that well at all.