Sunday, February 13, 2005

Not motivated

I'm really struggling lately. I'm just not motivated to do ANYTHING. I get to the weekend and I'm just excited that I can sit around and do nothing. There's so much that I could (and should!) have been doing this weekend, but I just looked at it and didn't want to do it. Maybe it's that I've been in school since 1st grade (er, kindergarten/1st grade. I was promoted mid year) without a break and I'm in my first year of grad school. I just...I know the work has to get done, I just am NOT motivated to do any of it.

The boy situation is pretty much not a situation at all right now. I haven't heard from him in over a week, so I just sent another email asking if he'd thought at all about when he'd come through here. Doubt I'll get a response for another week. It's like this huge roller coaster ride. I don't know why I'm such a moron about it, but I always am. I finally get used to it and decide it's not worth it, then we get to the top of the hill and I come hurtling down and into the curves and bends and "tummy jumpers." I just don't get it. Maybe I'm just lonely.


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