I'm a joiner! Look at me Mommy!

i don't know why i titled it that way. must be the mania creeping in or the fact that i woke up at 4 am with insomnia fighting its way back to the surface.

the point is that i joined a gym tonight for the first time ever. i joined victory fitness center. i did i did. i worked out for about an hour with a trainer. i'm going in tomorrow night around 5:30 again to do another workout. i want to go in at least 5 times a week. i need to lose weight & get toned. as i've mentioned before, i have now gained 12 lbs from taking my heart medication. i think i just decided 1/2 hour ago to stop taking it daily & only take it when i'm feeling sick or having a bout of tachycardia. what i have isn't life-threatening, just a nuisance. when it comes on, i feel like i'm going to pass out, my hands shake with tremors, and my headrushes actually steal my vision for more than just a second. it can last for 7-8 seconds before i can see again. i've been taking it since october, so i don't know if i still need to take it everyday. i'm coming to a point where i keep gaining weight. even when i watch what i eat & do what the nutritionist told me. it has to be the medication. i just can't take gaining anymore weight. as anna will tell you, former/recovering anoretics CANNOT be in an uncontrolled situation where they are gaining weight. sorry i just rambled on forever. the end.