Thursday, July 28, 2005

I'm a joiner! Look at me Mommy!

i don't know why i titled it that way. must be the mania creeping in or the fact that i woke up at 4 am with insomnia fighting its way back to the surface.

the point is that i joined a gym tonight for the first time ever. i joined victory fitness center. i did i did. i worked out for about an hour with a trainer. i'm going in tomorrow night around 5:30 again to do another workout. i want to go in at least 5 times a week. i need to lose weight & get toned. as i've mentioned before, i have now gained 12 lbs from taking my heart medication. i think i just decided 1/2 hour ago to stop taking it daily & only take it when i'm feeling sick or having a bout of tachycardia. what i have isn't life-threatening, just a nuisance. when it comes on, i feel like i'm going to pass out, my hands shake with tremors, and my headrushes actually steal my vision for more than just a second. it can last for 7-8 seconds before i can see again. i've been taking it since october, so i don't know if i still need to take it everyday. i'm coming to a point where i keep gaining weight. even when i watch what i eat & do what the nutritionist told me. it has to be the medication. i just can't take gaining anymore weight. as anna will tell you, former/recovering anoretics CANNOT be in an uncontrolled situation where they are gaining weight. sorry i just rambled on forever. the end.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

New Job!

So after having paid my dues in every industry except the one I want to work in, I finally got a job in eating disorders. It's an admin assistant position at a psych hospital in the ed unit. At first I thought it would be paperwork, officework, etc., but I'm actually the assistant to the therapist who developed the program, so I'll be working with the patients about 7 hours a day. I'm SOOOOOOO excited! This is THE PERFECT job for me. It's basically the starting position for my career. The weird thing is, it all happened so fast! On Thursday, I was talking to a co-worker about how I had been dreading coming back after my vacation, and how I wanted a work from home job. She suggested I look on Craigslist, something I can't believe I didn't do before. I find everything on Craigslist. Anyway, I started looking for work from home jobs and didn't find anything; then I started looking at random jobs, and typed in "eating disorders". This was the only thing that came up, and I was so thrilled. (It's also really close to my house and to school-about a 15 minute drive against traffic both ways.) I sent my resume in on Thursday night, and got a message Friday asking me when I was available for an interview. I called the lady Friday evening, and then had to wait all weekend, but she called me on Monday, and we set up an interview for Tuesday evening. So I went in last night, and she hired me on the spot. I start two weeks from tomorrow, and I can't wait! It will be really nice; I don't start work until 10 am, so I'll have a couple of hours in the morning to study, then I'm off at 6 pm, so I can keep the four classes that I'm planning to take next semester. So now I'm totally ecstatic and can't stop smiling or dancing around. :)

Saturday, July 23, 2005

9/11 at the Pentagon

I hope this link still works when you try to look at it. With the overwhelming shock of 9/11, and the fact that my sister was delivering a baby while things were blowing up, I just watched and accepted what the news was telling me. A week after the explosions, I was scheduled to go to DC to visit friends. I continued to take my trip, and I drove past the Pentagon. Granted, it was from the freeway, but there was no doubt that the buildings had been seriously hit. A very sombering experience, and by seeing it live and up close, I feel like I have some personal attachment and memory to that moment. Anyway, I got this link and it got me thinking. I thought you guys would be interested in seeing it, sharing insight. Makes me want to do research, as all mysterious theories do, but I was so caught up in my niece being born that I truly don't remember seeing any news about the Pentagon, other than "its been hit". All I remember is coverage of the World Trade Center. Take a look....tell me what you think.

Friday, July 22, 2005

scientology--all a hoax

there's a rumor circulating around that l ron hubbard was going to announce that this whole religion was something he randomly made up before he died, but the scientologists wouldn't let him. what do you think? wasn't he a science fiction writer?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005


my thoughts on scientology aren't anything particularly unlike what's been posted here...i think it's extremely cultish, and it's kind of scary to think that people actually buy into it as a religion.

one thing i know about it, and find creepy as all get out, is Sea Organization...or, basically, *research ships* (although not all of them are ships now)'s seen as one of the holiest duties that a scientologist can fulfill, serving in this way, but you have to sign a one billion year contract to serve in the corps. but, once you've signed the contract, the scientologist hierarchy can basically do anything they want to you...people who have done sea org and escaped have said they've been tortured, put in hazardous conditions, made to perform labour...and if you break any rules of scientology on these ships, you're sent to Rehabilitation Project Force...which is basically a scientologist work camp used to "correct" members of Sea Org who have gone astray by overworking them on projects such as fixing up scientology buildings. it's scary, it really has a concentration camp feel with the added idea that they're taking advantage of people they've brainwashed, and punishing them for becoming un-brainwashed.

on another scientology related's rather strange, there's a booth at the Galleria (a mall in St Louis, right near where i'm moving). it's located right as you walk in the main entrance. the booth is labeled "Dianetics", and they have signs for a "free stress test". all over the kiosk are copies of L. Ron Hubbard books. apparently this is not the only mall to have such booths (many major cities have the booths somewhere...). basically what they do is have you hold this meter that measures the conductivity of your skin, and as it jumps, they ask you what you're stressed about and try to sell you a copy of "Dianetics". it irks me when they try to portray scientology as honest psychology.

my thoughts

1. the whole katie holmes/tom cruise thing makes me want to bop him in the face as well. i just feel sorry for katie for being sucked into all of this. there was an article i read on their "love" and everything katie said sounded programmed, things like "he's dreamy" "he's a dream come true" "he treats me like a prince." gag. poor thing is speaking some new Disney language the rest of us aren't.

2. i think that using movie promotion time to slander people (brooke shields) who have depression (the entire world) is pretty darn stupid. focus on the movie, NOT ON YOUR OPINIONS OF THE PEOPLE WHO PAY TO WATCH YOUR MOVIES.

3. like ms k, i have a friend whose family was broken up due to scientology. he was raised that way. his dad was a doctor & had the money to join. his mom wanted out of it, so they got divorced. it was right before my friend bob went to college. when i met him at college, i had just started taking prozac for depression. our first conversation was a huge fight as to whether people should take medication or not. it got quite heated. he eventually figured out, or decided, that he'd been brainwashed for a long time & that he needed to make up his own mind about things. now we're great friends. his dad still won't even acknowledge his existence.

Scientology and the Annoyingness of Tom Cruise

Up until the last few months, I was really relatively indifferent to Tom Cruise, but ever since he and Katie Holmes started going out I think he's probably the lamest guy on the face of the earth. Every time I see his face I just want to-I don't know, kick it or something. To be fair, this probably has a lot to do with my feelings about May-September relationships. After having been in a disastrous one, I don't approve. It's just kinda gross to be closer in age to your boyfriend's kids than to him. Ugh. Anyway, I think he's really close-minded. I agree that drugs are prescribed more frequently than they need to be, but some people actually do need them. I loved Brooke Shield's retort-"I'm pretty sure that he has never suffered from post-partum depression".
As far as Scientology goes, it's my opinion that most Scientologists are lured in because it sounds like it's about science. Ooh, smart people get involved in this. I wanna be in the smart kids' group. Jamie's dad is a Scientologist, and I've talked to some of the "members" on the phone; IMHO it's just another cult. They just call church "events", and you have to pay to get in (because you're taking "classes"). I knew that J's dad wasn't all that excited about therapy or medication (J and his brothers are EXTREMELY ADHD), but I thought it was just a personal thing. Then I read about Scientology on the Internet and discovered that it's part of the religion. So THAT'S why J's mom is always telling me not to tell his dad what I'm studying. :) Ultimately, Scientologists don't bother me anymore than anyone from any other religion who tries to preach at me. My feeling is, if I'm interested, I'll call you. There's nothing more off-putting than someone showing up unexpectedly at my front door or calling me randomly.
Sorry about that little rant. It's something that's been on my mind lately anyway. :)

tom cruise/scientology--what do YOU think?

ms k. i am LOVING the pic of you with the rubber ducky on your head! cracks me up.

i still have insomnia, but my moods are getting more level. yea for medication. screw tom cruise. he has dyslexia. i'm sure that's some kind of chemical/signal issue with the brain. how is that different than people with chemical imbalances/signal problems that effect their moods? just had to spout for a second.

on that subject, does anyone have any thoughts negative or positive on the subject of tom cruise? scientology? i'd love to know what other people think. i'm trying to view them separate from one another.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Welcome to all of the new folks to the blog since my last post - it has been awhile.

I can't say I have much to report, of much excitement. My newest hobby is gardening, since I've been a homeowner for about the last year and a half. Cincinnati has had a major drought up until the last week or so. I've been spending alot of hours watering and weeding - but we are finally getting fresh basil, parsley, tomatoes, zucchinis, and soon - we will have peppers! It's wondrous!

I'm also in major organizing mode. I'm attempting to organize our CD collection. My husband and I have several duplicates now that our CD's have merged. And we have about 1000 discs as well (many of which are live shows i've downloaded or traded). My mother says i'm nesting.

Wow - it just occured to me - am I the only married lady on the list? I feel old! I'm talking like an old lady too!

Frau K

Hi, I am Ms K and I will be contributing to this weblog as well. It looks like I'm the oldest here being past 20-something (I passed the 30 year mark a few years ago) but in many ways I still feel like a 20-something.
I am a teacher and come from a German speaking country (I don't want to be more specific here because I don't want to be recognized - especialy since I am a teacher). I spent 5 years teaching in a NYC public high school and moved back to my hometown (in Europe) a year ago where I am still trying to readjust to life there. (= my biggest issue at the moment).
Right now I am spending my summer off in NYC - mostly just relaxing, enjoying the city when it's not too humid (it's horrible right now), going to the beach and shopping.
In a week my bf and I will be making a trip on the West Coast - we'll fly to Seattle and drive down to San Francisco with many stops along the way.
I should also add that I am quite a creative person - I love taking photographs and various crafts - right now I'm into bead weaving which I can only do in the summer because it is sooooo time consuming.
Anyway, that's a little bit about myself. I hope I'll have mor to say soon!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Too Bad, So Sad

Today is my first day back at work after my vacation, and I really didn't want to come back. :) I'm trying to convince Jamie that he should get some really great, high-paying job so I can stay home, but I don't think it's working.
I had a great time in OR, but it was really nice to see J when I got home. I spent the last week and a half doing absolutely nothing, which was FABULOUS! I slept and read and that's about it. The only bad thing was that it was really hot the whole time, so I couldn't spend much time outside. Yesterday it had cooled off a lot, and at 4 pm it was 94 degrees. Yick.
That's about it. It's nice to be back!

Sunday, July 17, 2005

30s the new 20s?

I went to a dance club last night for a friend of mine's wife's 30th birthday. She didn't stop dancing as soon as we got there. Either I've lost my teenage stamina or I'm VERY out of shape. My knees were hurting!!! I'm supposedly this young 20-something that can party all night still, right? Maybe I over partied when I was a teen because I seriously cannot keep up. Or maybe I'm just... boring?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Insurance Question , Update

How boring am I.....

Nik - I know that you work with an insurance company; do you only deal with life insurance, or can you quote me on an auto and homeowners policy? Just curious.

As for me, nothing too exciting. OK, a little bit of exciting. I have finished all my real estate classes, and I am studying to take my test. My professor offered me a job, so I will be able to keep my full time job and start the real estate thing part time. Very relieving for me. I want to take the test in a few weeks, before I leave for vacation, so that I can enjoy the vacation without knowing in the back of my mind that I have a test to take when I return. I get the results immediately at the testing site, so at least I don't have to sit and anxiously wait for the mail to come. The family is then heading to Orlando for 8 days and 7 nights of Disney fun. I am 25 and this is the first full-fledged family vacation I have ever taken. Guess thats what happens when you are the child of a broken home. I am looking forward to it, since I have never been to Disney, but I curse whoever thought that August was the right time to go to Florida.

Thats about it. I will let you know, WHEN, I pass the test =) XO all!

Monday, July 11, 2005

need some help

i think there is something wrong with me mentally, besides the usual. for the past month, even before my medication was upped (i think), i've been having trouble reading words that have double uses in the correct way. today i read the following: "if your dream featured a snake wound around you . . ." i read it like a "battle wound" not "the top wound up." i've been doing this so frequently lately that it's beginning to worry me. i have NEVER had this problem before. i'm not sure how to look it up online. does anyone have any ideas?

Sunday, July 10, 2005


welcome laura! and nicolle-i'm glad you're getting closer to your move!

i've had a looong emotional week. ready for it to end now, and for the games to begin tomorrow. actually, i really don't want tomorrow to come because then i have to go to work. i'm not happy at work. maybe i should stop writing here. i'm not being very positive. i think i'll have some wine.

Saturday, July 09, 2005


Hi! I'm Laura (or lccb144 as will show up as my username) and wanted to introduce myself. I'm a 20-something (24) who lives in Chicago, is married and has two cats. I'm a student at a seminary in Chicago and am currently working in a hospital as part of my studies. In fact, I'm at the hospital right now. I'm a student chaplain so I visit with patients, pray with them if they want and try to be there for families if a relative dies. There is probably more to what I do than that but I think that sums it up. I only have 6 more weeks of that to go and I'm glad because I know that this is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I will happily be a pastor but being a hospital chaplain requires a stronger stomach.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and thanks for letting me post here!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

st. louis and all that...

it's been forever since i've posted, but...gasp...stuff has actually happened!

i'm in st. louis right now. i haven't moved here yet...i'm going back to chicago tomorrow. but, i'm moving into my new place august first. i have a wonderful new apartment and a new roommate. my apartment is shiny and pretty and new, with conveniences like a brand new stove, a ginormous kitchen, and--the make-or-break amenity in st. louis--central air conditioning. it's also two buildings down from my boyfriend's place, right on his street.

today i met a few random incoming students in my class...even though i'd already found housing, we went to housing day so i could meet some people, and so my boyfriend could maybe find a roomie. his roomie is moving out into a one bedroom, so he needs a new roommate by august first so he doesn't have to find a new place and move. he talked to a few people...but most people seemed to be taken, or moving into one-bedroom places from the outset. i hope he doesn't have to move...he has so much furniture that it would be horrible for him--and i live so close to his current place that it would suck not to be so close.

tomorrow, though...back home, and then saturday it's back to the daily grind, back to work. i'm not looking forward to it, but at least it's almost time to move to st. louis.


i had a great time & a great turnout at the bbq. erin from this site came & hung out too. i got to see her shiny new mustang & drive it for a couple of seconds even! i got lots of great pics. i'll have to scan some & post them here.

i'm going to counseling tonight for the first time in a couple of years. not sure what i want to talk about, but i feel like i need to go. i mean, i got freaked out last night because i couldn't find a parking space outside a restaurant. i was determined to just drive back home & forget about it until a friend calmed me down. i know it's stupid & irrational, but i couldn't stop it at the time. sigh. i'll let you all know how it goes.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Happy 4th!

Happy birthday, Nikki! How was your bbq? I hope you have a great day today!

Friday, July 01, 2005

happy 4th

what are your plans/did you do for/on the 4th? i'm having a bbq at my house tomorrow. we'll see how that goes. sunday, i have to help my brother move 1 1/2 hours away. monday is my 28th birthday. i'm not sure what i'll do that day. probably just sleep.

i hope you have a good vacation, anna! you deserve it.

Vacation time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My plane leaves for OR in 11 hours. I can't wait to see my mom! I'm trying not to bounce too much while I'm at work today, for fear of totally annoying all of my co-workers, but it's going to be difficult.
I'm reading a really good book right now: Elegance, by Kathleen Tessaro. I usually go for books by authors that I've already read, or that people have recommended, but I saw this book at the library and it looked enticing. When I started reading it, I knew immediately that the main character was eating disordered, and sure enough, halfway through she starts talking about starving herself and throwing up after dinner. I can spot an eating disorder a mile away. :) Do you see yourself doing that, Nikki? I'll be walking down the street going, yup, serial dieter. And she's anorexic. He's bulimic. The scary thing is, I'm usually right. I know part of it is because I've done so much research and I know the signs, but I think a lot of it is intuition; when you've been there, you know what it looks like.
I'll post again when I get to OR. I'm looking forward to seeing everything, especially my kitties.